This is the previously-mentioned super cute puppy who did not act so super cute today.
Today, this puppy decided she was going to eat a bar of soap, drink from an unflushed toilet (complete with fishing out soggy toilet paper treats and gobbling a few bites down), and then gently pulled the ASPCA Pet Poison Control Center magnet off the fridge with her little evil teeth and ate it after shredding it to bits.
She is currently on suicide watch. I don't know if this was a cry for help or an actual suicide attempt. She is currently on lockdown until further notice.